Irrational fear of drowning with a side of a skin infection

 

watching Scott's boat get further and further away 😦

 

I watched Scott’s boat get smaller and smaller and felt a moment of sadness that he was gone. But when I got on the boat for Koh Tao, I immediately met a really cool guy who worked for one of the dive shops in Koh Tao called Easy Divers….sounded pretty reasonable and I liked the name! I agreed to walk to the shop with him when we arrived and I promptly passed out for the ride since I had barely slept the night before. When we arrived and I checked out Easy Divers in person, everything sounded good and I wouldn’t have to do too much walking which was good because I was nursing some wounds on my feet and legs from the past week. I checked right into my bungalow and was set to begin my PADI open water dive course that afternoon. I had pretty much planned to get my dive certification in Koh Tao and get some rest after so much going on the past 2 weeks. The moment I was in my bungalow alone, it hit me that I was actually alone for the first time in nearly 3 weeks. Then I really missed Scott for a bit until I went off to my scuba class and was distracted by the ridiculously exaggerated film I had to watch to get started.

While I was in Krabi, I had scraped up my knee, leg and toe and it was still on the mend about a week later and wasnt looking all that great….in fact, I was sure they were starting to get infected and was trying to keep an eye on them because it seems like everyone that got hurt around Thailand had wounds getting infected, not sure why but it was the norm. I had been pestering my mom, Chrissy and my friend Brian (US Navy doctor) about what to look for and was on the look out for any of the symptoms of infection they shared with me.

My scuba buddy was a German guy named Ollie and we had 2 guys from Florida in our class. Those videos were so ridiculous that it was hard for me to pay attention or hardly even stay awake. When it was finally time to head out to the boat and start the fun part of the course, I was more than ready. Everything was all good and I was really enjoying it until we got to the part where you have to let water into your mask and then clear it back out. I DID NOT FIND THIS PLEASURABLE! I was a bit panicked by it actually. My first instinct was to surface and gasp for air as soon as the water hit my nostrils. My instructor, who rocked by the way, Roland, had to come up and calm me back down because I clearly didn’t respond the way you’re supposed to. I went back down and after a few attempts, was able to successfully clear my mask, but I didn’t like the feeling. The water in my nose made me feel like I was drowning. Ever since I had done that stupid mini triathlon in 2006, I had an irrational fear of drowning for some unknown reason then and this made me feel so anxious like I had that day. Turns out we were going to have to take our masks off completely and then put them back on underwater as well. This was one part of the certification that might be challenging.

 

My AWESOME dive instructor, Roland

 

The rest of the dive was amazing and I had never seen so many amazing things. I felt like I was Ariel in The Little Mermaid seeing all these cartoonish creative creatures and colors. When we got back to the shop and I looked at all my wounds, they were looking really nasty. I went back to my bungalow and cleaned them out and noticed that my ankle was swelling a bit around a tiny cut I had gotten from my ankle bracelet on the inside ankle bone bumping on the side of the motorbike all week. I hadn’t even been too concerned about that one but it was looking worse than all the rest at this point. Brian had warned me that swelling and redness around would be bad signs and as the night went on, I had both and they were getting worse. When I woke up the next morning, the sight of my ankle cut was seriously causing me concern and I decided I would stop my course and get to a doctor. When I told Roland, he mentioned a woman who was supposedly a nurse who handled some wounds dressings near the dive shop and I thought I might try her out first and she if she had some antibiotics.

When I walked into the “medical office” which doubles as a place to eat and a motorbike rental, she informed me that she was a doctor and the first doctor on the island. Somehow, I don’t think she had any formal medical training that I was going to be familiar with but I figured if this is what the local people do then I should be fine. What happened in that office I hate to even think about because I feel like it was close to being tortured. I can hardly even type it without cringing at the thought of her proceeding to “clean” my wounds in a very unorthodox fashion. I hit her hand a number of times and was screaming during most of it. There was no way she was a doctor and I was pretty worried and afraid of what she might be doing to me but had already let her get started and had to let her finish. I mentioned that I was in the middle of my dive course and had canceled and she convinced me she could wrap it up and I would be fine to finish the course if I started the penicillin right away. I wasnt too confident in her opinion but I had her wrap it up extra anyways and promptly went home to skype my mom for her nursing opinion. She said it probably wasnt going to get any better or worse and I should finish the course, take the penicillin and as soon as I got back to a bigger island, get to the doctor because it definitely wasnt good.

I was able to rejoin my group I had quit a few hours earlier, just needed to watch a video and get caught up. When we went out that afternoon, I was already feeling anxious about the mask clearing part of the day. We went to the first dive sight and I watched Roland go around to everyone before me and I had to consciously fight the urge to rush to the surface because I was feeling so panicked. On the second dive, we went to a different spot where the water was really choppy and we were going to have to follow the rope down. My heart started racing and I felt like I was starting to panic. We went down about 5 meters and I had the irrational fear that I couldn’t breathe and swam back up and gasped for air. Roland came up with me and figured I was panicking a bit and he calmed me down and helped get me back to a reasonable state of mind. The rest of the dive was great but I felt like I kept having these mini anxiety attacks over the whole drowning sensation or idea. I knew it was all in my head and I just needed to stay calm. I discussed it with Roland so he was aware of why I was being such a spaz. We decided when it came to the final one the next day that I would have to go first because watching everyone else go first really made me get more anxious while I watched.

 

reunion with Bobbie in Koh Tao for dinner and lots of laughs. I love this guy 🙂

 

I had been laying pretty low since I got to Koh Tao, but I was excited to meet up with my friend Bobbie, the Scottish lad i had met in Bangkok my first couple days in Thailand. We would also be heading to the same full moon party the following week. We decided to meet up for dinner in Sairee Beach, which was the more popular place to stay and where all the big dive schools and resorts are at. I was soooooo happy to see him and we pretty much just laughed and exchanged our travels tales from the 3 weeks since we had seen each other last. Bobbie was also limping from a foot wound from stepping on coral and as another travelers passed, he commented, “Everyone here is limping or bandaged”, which is somewhat true. I was beginning to notice that people did have a lot of motorbike crash injuries, fire burns, or cuts that got infected. IT was eye-opening for me to see how carefully I would need to try not to get cut or hurt.

 

lunch on the pier....nice view of the boats in the bay

 

The next morning was the last day of diving and we had an early morning start of 7am…..which I of course overslept for. They were knocking on my door asking if I was going to the dive shop and it was already 7am and I was in bed. I tried to have the girls at the desk call to ask them to wait but couldn’t communicate with them. I ran back to my room was putting on my bikini when one of the guys from the shop showed up on my porch to run me down there. I had less than 5 minutes and was rushing out, flying down this tiny dirt road on the back of the motorbike. When I arrived, I felt like a total douchebag for being so late. I had to hurry up and dress my wounds and check all my scuba equipment  in a rush that I was already starting to feel nervous about the dive. Roland said we were just going to do the dive first and the skills checking portion a bit later. I had mentally told myself, I wasnt going to get too worried about it and I was just going to enjoy myself. If I felt like I couldn’t do it later, then I wouldn’t do it, but I had already cleared my mask 3 times without dying so I should be able to finish the last time. We got to the ocean floor and immediately, Roland came over to me and had me remove my mask and put it back on underwater. I was totally fine because I didn’t have time to think about it and get too stressed. It was all over, I was feeling good and now I had the rest of the day to just enjoy the magical underwater world. The rest of the diving was beautiful and we got to go down to 18 meters on the last dive. When we got back to the pier, Ollie and I wanted to have the afternoon to study a bit for the written test, especially since I had been so concerned about my cuts that I really hadn’t bothered to read the book except for the mini tests along the way.

 

cutest little girl with her plastic bag rainhat!

 

We grabbed lunch on the pier along the bay and studied a few hours. Ollie and I returned for our tests and then headed out to grab a beer to hide from the sudden rainstorm and wait for our results. We saw the cutest little girl running around the empty bar who put a plastic bag on her head when she had to leave in the rain. It was the cutest little rainhat I had ever seen.

What do you know, we ended up passing our tests and were now PADI certified. I was so grateful to Roland that he helped to keep me calm and got me through the course. It wasnt ever SUPER scary, but I would be lying if I didn’t say it was challenging for me to overcome the “irrational fear of drowning”.

 

all the Germans and me!

 

My partner Ollie, was also such a cool guy and really patient with me. He was with his other German buddy, Felix and I really enjoyed having a couple of meals with them and going out on the boat with them. To celebrate, we went to this little reggae bar i found on the first day called Baby Rasta. I noticed it and didn’t check it out right away because I didn’t want to have any drinks but now was a good reason to have a celebratory beer and check out a cool spot. The front has a tiny mini VW bus that has all the actual “bar” that holds the alcohol bottles. When you go inside, there are all sorts of levels and crawl spaces, hammocks, cushions, upper levels, treehouse. It’s quite small and quaint but a lot of nice little corners to hang out in.

 

Baby Rasta bar

 

I really liked the old style reggae music they played and it was nice to relax in the hammock. My wounds weren’t looking any worse, but the one on my ankle looked pretty strange.

 

chillaxin in the upstairs bamboo area with Felix and Ollie at Baby Rasta

 

I thought the skin looked like it was dying, and that isn’t good. I was glad I would be returning the next day to Koh Phangan and could try to see a doctor or get a different anti-biotic. I headed back to my bungalow to pack and get ready for my early morning boat back to Koh Phangan to stay with my new English BFF- Kirsty and check out this full moon party action after hearing so much about it for months! I wish I had gotten to explore the land part of Koh Tao a bit more, but I was so focused on my scuba and not losing a foot to skin infection that it just wasnt in the cards this time around. I was sure to be back to Koh Tao again and give it a proper scoping out!